MATURITY

I have always heard people talk about maturity and claiming to be mature. It seems it’s a beautiful word to speak especially when we are referring to someone, not ourselves. This makes us judge and sometimes belittle others on the account of maturity. In my little life experience, contemplation, and encounters with other people, I have learned a lot about this aspect. I stand to be corrected if what I am going to write here does not rhyme with reality. A mature person can differentiate feelings from thoughts and communicate them appropriately.

Maturity is not intelligence and knowledge as many people think. This is the biggest trap for most of us. We get indulged in learning many theories and what other people say. When we speak, we use them and then think we are mature. No, it is not true because anyone can have knowledge about anything. I have seen many intelligent people messing around with things in the name of maturity disguised under knowledge. You too could have seen that it is true that knowledge is not an action. Even I in writing does not mean I am mature.

Another aspect of misconceived maturity is when we think it is in age. I remember of a brother in the community who used to distinguish between elder brothers and old brothers. The elder brothers he meant those who were older in age and in class but above all could demonstrate elements of responsibility and understanding reality. For the ones called older brothers he meant those who were old in age and in class but could not contribute anything good to the community.

Human beings are born free but limited according to reality. The element of freedom gives every individual an opportunity to choose what they want amongst the many alternatives. In freedom, an individual becomes aware of the choices he has in his life. This pushes him to understand reality and be responsible for whatever comes out of it. This can be in words, in action, or even in thoughts. I used to hear my parents talk about one of my brothers as mature because he could spend time thinking alone. This means that for them to be mature meant to be able to think. I borrow this and say that to be mature, an individual must be able to think and be responsible for everything that comes out of them. In freedom, an individual makes a choice which he is responsible for. That is an aspect of maturity.

Some people think that to be mature is to provide solutions to problems. When we go into developmental psychology, we realize that that is intelligence, not maturity. Many of us think like that which is absurd. It is not when we provide solutions to problems that we become mature, it is when we can understand those problems and other small things around our lives that we become mature. Maturity comes when we can understand the cause of the problem, the possible effects, and how we can handle it shortly. Many of us want to get out of the moment of problems and other small things but forget that sometimes such things only need understanding. When we understand the problems, we can provide solutions. To understand small things around us is a very important aspect of maturity.

Another temptation is to mention other people’s flaws that we think make us mature. A person who is quick at identifying who has done wrong is often a very dangerous man. He thinks that in mentioning other people’s flaws they become flawless, which is a pity. A man who quickly talks of being mature either with friends or in public may in most cases not be mature. It is in most cases avoidance of responsibility but appealing to knowledge which is also absurd. A mature man acts maturely and rarely talks of it. I am not intending to discourage people from talking maturity but I am emphasizing more of action than talking. Some people have ideas of maturity but you find that even in talking about them, they are applying them to others excluding themselves, which is absurd and a sign of immaturity.

Above all, to be mature is to have a pure heart. Using Kierkegaard’s approach, to have a pure heart is to will one thing: the good. Other than willing one thing, it is double-mindedness and double-mindedness is not willing the good. A person who wills the good does not do anything such that he can be rewarded through actions like wanting to be feared by others, wanting to be paid by others, wanting to be seen right in front of others, and defending personal conformations. A good willing individual does not search for variety and pleasurable moments in what they have done. He searches for the good itself. A good willing man does not do good in fear of punishment which can be common among us. This is especially fearing to be chopped.  He does not do the good for egocentric services. He does the good for both himself and others. He commits himself to the good with their whole heart and desire.

It is not easy to give a complete definition of maturity to everybody, but I hope this can give a hint. A person who wills the good is responsible, can understand the surroundings, and can communicate clearly and purely (without personal interests like personal defenses and attacks on others) without fear of punishment, is mature. Above all elements of maturity, having a pure heart is important for mature persons. This is chosen in freedom not forced by anyone which means it goes with responsibility. To be mature, one must be free and pure-hearted willing only the good and for the sake of goodness.